Someone once said, “Whoever enjoys solitude is either a wild beast or a god.” This statement is both deeply true and deeply false. It’s true that avoiding society suggests something beastly in a person, a kind of rejection of humanity. But it’s wrong to think solitude is divine unless it’s motivated by a higher purpose, like seeking deeper knowledge or a connection with something greater. Some ancient figures like Epimenides, Numa, Empedocles, and Apollonius claimed such a purpose, though their solitude often seems exaggerated or artificial. In contrast, the early Christian hermits genuinely sought solitude for spiritual growth.
Most people don’t truly understand solitude or its limits. Being in a crowd doesn’t mean you’re not alone. Faces without love are like paintings in a gallery, and conversation without connection is just noise. There’s a Latin saying: “Magna civitas, magna solitudo”—a big city can feel lonely because true friends are spread thin. Without real friendship, the world feels like a wasteland. If someone cannot form friendships, it reflects a beastly, not human, nature.
One of the greatest gifts of friendship is the ability to unburden your heart. Emotions—whether joy, grief, fear, or hope—can overwhelm us if kept inside, much like blocked pathways in the body cause the most dangerous illnesses. While medicine can relieve physical blockages, nothing opens the heart like a true friend. With a friend, you can confess everything—your pains, triumphs, doubts, and plans—and feel lighter for it.
It’s fascinating how highly kings and rulers value this benefit of friendship. They often take great risks to secure it, even elevating others to near-equal status despite the potential dangers. These trusted companions are often called favorites, but the Romans had a better term: “participes curarum”—partners in care. Even the most calculated rulers have had such friends.
Sylla, a powerful Roman general, raised Pompey to such heights that Pompey once challenged him, saying more people adored the rising sun (himself) than the setting sun (Sylla). Julius Caesar trusted Decimus Brutus so deeply that Brutus persuaded him to ignore ominous warnings and attend the senate on the day of his assassination. Augustus trusted Agrippa so much that he considered him family, even advising his daughter to marry him. Tiberius was so close to Sejanus that the senate honored their bond with an altar to friendship.
These leaders weren’t naturally kind or selfless. They were ambitious, shrewd, and self-focused. Their reliance on friendship shows that even the most powerful lives are incomplete without someone to share the burden. Family alone isn’t enough—wives, children, and relatives can’t replace a true friend.
Philip de Commines, a 15th-century historian, noted that Duke Charles the Bold refused to share his deepest secrets with anyone, especially the most troubling ones. Commines believed this secrecy harmed the Duke’s mental clarity in his later years. Another example is Louis XI, whose guarded nature became his own torment. Pythagoras offered an apt metaphor: “Eat not the heart.” In other words, keeping your worries locked inside is like devouring your own heart. Without a friend to confide in, you become your own worst enemy.
Sharing your thoughts and emotions with a friend has two amazing effects: it doubles your joys and halves your sorrows. Sharing happiness amplifies it, while sharing grief diminishes it. This is as close as we come to the mythical philosopher’s stone, which supposedly turned base metals into gold. Just as union strengthens nature’s processes and weakens external pressures, friendship enhances our mental and emotional well-being.
The second great benefit of friendship is its power to sharpen your understanding. A good friend brings clarity and order to your thoughts, like opening a window in a dark room. Talking through your ideas with someone else helps you organize them and see them from a new perspective. As Themistocles told the king of Persia, thoughts are like fine tapestries that only reveal their beauty when unfolded and displayed. Even if a friend doesn’t offer advice, the act of discussing your ideas helps you think more clearly.
Faithful advice is another critical aspect of friendship. Heraclitus said, “Dry light is ever the best,” meaning the pure, objective perspective of a friend is more reliable than your own judgment, which is clouded by personal biases. Friends provide honest counsel, untainted by your emotions or self-deception.
Advice comes in two forms: personal guidance and practical advice. For personal growth, there’s nothing more valuable than a friend’s candid observations. Self-reflection can be too harsh, reading moral books too passive, and watching others’ mistakes too detached. But a friend’s honest critique is both effective and palatable. Many great people have damaged their reputations by lacking a friend to point out their flaws.
In business, advice is just as critical. You might think you can handle everything on your own, but two heads are better than one. Scattered advice from different sources can lead to poor decisions, like consulting a doctor who knows nothing about your medical history. A true friend understands your circumstances and will offer advice that balances immediate needs with long-term well-being.
The final benefit of friendship is practical help. There are countless things you can’t do alone, and a friend acts as an extension of yourself. A true friend can continue your projects, care for your family, or carry out your wishes if you’re unable to. In this sense, having a friend gives you a second life.
A friend can also do things for you that would seem awkward or immodest if done yourself. For example, praising your own achievements or asking for favors can be uncomfortable, but a friend can do these things on your behalf with grace. A friend can step outside the roles you’re confined to—like father, husband, or rival—and act freely in your best interest.
Without a friend, life becomes a lonely stage, and you’re left without a partner to help you perform your part. Friendship, in its many forms, is essential to living fully, thinking clearly, and achieving greatness.
Bacon Blueprint 