If someone relies only on their natural qualities, they need to possess exceptional virtues—just like a diamond without a ring must be of great value to shine on its own. However, if you think about it, praise works like wealth: as the saying goes, “Small profits fill large purses.” Small, consistent gains add up, while big windfalls are rare. In the same way, people get praised for small actions because they happen often and are easy to notice, whereas chances to do something truly great are rare. This is why focusing on the little things can greatly enhance a person’s reputation. Queen Isabella once said that having good manners is like carrying a permanent letter of recommendation.
To develop this skill, it’s often enough not to dismiss its importance. By observing how others behave, you’ll naturally pick up the right habits. But don’t try too hard to show off these manners—doing so makes them feel fake. Some people behave as if every move they make has been carefully rehearsed, like a poem where every word is measured. How can someone deal with big challenges if they’re constantly worrying about the tiniest details?
Completely ignoring formalities is also a mistake. When you skip them entirely, you teach others to treat you with less respect. This is especially true with strangers or formal people who value these gestures. That said, overdoing it—making small courtesies into a big deal—is not only tiresome but also damages your credibility. There is an art to slipping meaningful moments into everyday politeness, which can leave a lasting impression—if you get it right.
When dealing with equals, it’s wise to maintain a bit of formality; too much familiarity can weaken your authority. With those below you, showing some friendliness is a good way to earn their respect. But if you go overboard in any area—being overly available, overly friendly, or overly formal—you risk becoming unremarkable or, worse, tiresome. Adapting yourself to others is valuable, but it must be done with purpose, not out of habit or laziness.
Here’s a useful rule: when you agree with someone, don’t just echo their opinion. Add something of your own. If you support their idea, do it with a condition or suggestion. If you approve of their advice, build on it with additional reasoning. This way, you show that you’re engaged and thoughtful, not merely agreeable.
Be careful about becoming too perfect at polite gestures or formalities. Even if you excel in other areas, your critics will highlight this flaw to overshadow your real strengths. Overthinking these small matters can also harm your efficiency in business. As Solomon wisely said, “He who watches the wind will not sow, and he who looks at the clouds will not reap.” Waiting for the perfect moment wastes time. A wise person creates opportunities rather than waiting for them to appear.
Your behaviour should be like your clothing—not too tight or overly tailored, but flexible enough to let you move freely and adapt.
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