Trying to completely rid yourself of anger is an impossible goal, one only the Stoics aimed to achieve. We have better advice: “Be angry, but do not sin; don’t let the sun set on your anger.” Anger must be controlled—limited in both intensity and duration. Let’s explore three things: how to calm your natural tendency to anger, how to stop anger from leading to harm, and how to stir or soothe anger in others.
Firstly, the best way to manage your anger is to reflect on its effects. Think about how much trouble it brings to your life. The ideal time to do this is after your anger has completely passed. Seneca wisely said, “Anger is like ruin—it destroys itself as it falls.” The Bible also advises us to “possess our souls in patience,” because if you lose patience, you lose control over yourself. Don’t be like bees, who harm themselves as they sting.
Anger is a sign of weakness. You see it clearly in children, the elderly, and those who are unwell. Yet even strong people must be cautious—they should respond to anger with contempt, not fear, so they appear above the offence, not crushed by it. This is easy to do if you set rules for yourself and stick to them.
For the second point, anger is often caused by three things. First, being too sensitive to harm—if you don’t feel hurt, you won’t feel anger. Delicate people are often angry because so many things upset them, while tougher people let those same things slide. Second, anger grows when you believe an insult is full of contempt. It’s often not the harm itself but the disrespect that fuels anger. If you look for signs of contempt in everything, you’ll only make yourself angrier. Third, the belief that your reputation is under attack sharpens anger. The remedy here is to develop a thicker skin, as Gonsalvo, a Spanish general, once said: “Let your honour be made of tougher cloth.” Above all, delay your anger. Convince yourself that the time for revenge hasn’t arrived yet. This can help you stay calm and stop anger from taking over.
To stop anger from causing harm, focus on two things. First, avoid using cruel or cutting words, especially if they’re sharp and specific, as these hurt more than general insults. Second, don’t reveal secrets in anger—this makes you untrustworthy. Lastly, never make permanent decisions in the heat of anger. Even if you speak harshly, don’t act in ways you can’t take back.
To stir or calm anger in others, timing is key. If you want to provoke someone, wait until they’re already irritable or in a bad mood. You can also intensify their anger by highlighting anything that feels disrespectful. To soothe anger, do the opposite. Choose the right time to bring up difficult matters, as first impressions are powerful. Also, separate the insult from the idea of contempt. Blame the situation on misunderstanding, fear, or passion—anything that removes the sting of disrespect.
By controlling your anger, you not only protect yourself but also maintain your dignity and peace of mind.
Bacon Blueprint 